A wise man once said that apart from the spelling there is no difference between counselling and coaching. There’s a shade of truth in this but for the sake of the clarity I’m trying to achieve in this piece I am going to illustrate the differences such as they are. In fairness, it’s relatively easy for me to do this as I am concentrating on coaching that takes place at work; usually delivered by a line manager. We’ll see later on when we come to look at the different types and branches of coaching activity that the lines of distinction do become far more blurred.

As with mentoring, the skills of the coach and the counsellor are the same. They each listen attentively, ask probing questions and offer non-judgemental observations in the spirit of helping their ‘clients’ find their own answers. I don’t think either a coach or a counsellor would go down the “You should…”, “You must…” route. The difference does not lie in the skill set; it has much more to do with the content of the conversation and the desired result.

Counsellors are concerned with identifying root causes. They will guide us on a journey through our history to identify critical incidents and problems that have left a mark and cause us problems still. With such issues identified, the work of the counsellor develops into one of exploring ways of dealing with those problems and making changes. We can easily see that relationship counsellors, substance abuse counsellors, bereavement counsellors, etc. focus on dealing with what’s happened.

Coaches are concerned with moving forward. Coaches help the people whom they coach to identify a desired set of circumstances, to examine how that contrasts with current circumstances and then to plan out a series of steps to get from one point to the other. The coach starts from the here and now and, although aware that situations in the past can cause problems today, is more focused on creating mobility and momentum and on getting people started. Coaches focus on dealing with what must happen next.

Picture the scene: you’re three-nil down at half time. The team counsellor would examine the mistakes of the first half, but the team coach would set out the tactics for the second. Both are useful, and as ever are often combined. As always, the needs of the people we’re helping must override any semantic debate around the differences.

However, getting the positioning right is crucial. I’ve seen many a coaching programme get off to a shaky start because staff perceived that they were going to be counselled and were obviously uneasy about how well their managers were qualified to offer this kind of help and whether it was appropriate to talk about potentially emotive personal issues in a work context. Of course there may be a time for counselling at work, and what starts out as a straightforward coaching session may move in that direction. With this in mind it is worth checking out your organization’s welfare and access to counselling policy if you have the slightest suspicion that a coaching approach may uncover a deep seated issue and thus need a professional intervention.

The statements below are an attempt to put these comparisons in simple terms

Managing “Do this.”

Instructing “Here’s how to do this.”

Training “Have a go at doing this.”

Mentoring “My advice would be to….”

Counselling “What feelings does this invoke?”

Coaching “How do you think you could…?”

I wonder if in the end these differences are purely academic and of more interest to people like me who muse on these things, than to people like you who have the harder task of getting people to be the best they can at work.

Having said that, an appreciation of the similarities and differences is useful when it comes to positioning coaching in your team and in your organization. You may well find that if your team is unclear about what coaching involves and have confused it with other things, then they may not engage as fully as you’d wish.

Introduction

The challenge of better communication skills has spawned books, seminars and many a consulting company.   How can it be addressed in a short article like this?

Treat this, and other articles like it, as a tip.  This is a brief education in a couple of important aspects of effective communications.  No theory here; this is real observation and advice.  Put it to use, and you’ll be a more effective leader.

The Communications Mystique

“What we have here is a failure to communicate”.  Are you old enough, like me, to remember that line from the movie Cool Hand Luke?  Even if you’re not, you’ve heard some version of that line if you’ve been in business.

Hardly any missed milestone, production problem, or customer service failure hasn’t been at least partly explained as a communications problem.

What’s so difficult about communications?

Nothing, really.  Whether it’s one to one, one to many or many to many, communication is nothing more than conversation.  Somebody’s speaking, and somebody’s listening (hopefully).

Gaining better communication skills involves developing the ability to observe the conversations taking place, and make adjustments so that the speaking and the listening are both being done effectively.  That doesn’t sound so tough, does it?  Well, it’s a little harder when you’re observing your own conversations.  But it’s still possible!

The First Secret to Better Communication Skills

Have the conversation!  It’s amazing how often the “failure to communicate” is just that — a failure to even hold an important conversation.  Leaders assume people know what needs to be done.  People assume leaders understand the obstacles they face.

Or if assumptions aren’t getting in the way, sometimes the problem is reluctance.  After all, some conversations are tough to have.  It’s not easy to tell someone that you disagree with them.  Worse yet, maybe you’re angry with them because you feel they’ve let you down failed to live up to an agreement.

If you’re the leader, your team may be reluctant to bring you bad news.  They may be very reluctant to disagree with you or challenge your position.  After all, career ******* is not usually on the path to success and happiness.

The Leader’s Role in Fostering Better Communication Skills

Make it safe.  Encourage people to bring you bad news, and to challenge you.  Let the organization know when it’s done and done well.  Acknowledge the people who stepped up and took the risk.  Do this even if you disagree with their points.  In fact, do this especially when you disagree with their points.

If people see that they can make an argument and be appreciated for it, even when they don’t win the argument, the level of dialogue will step up.  You as a leader have become a better communicator by exhibiting the behaviors that reward just holding  the important conversations.

The Next Level of Better Communication Skills – Observe

Look around the organization.  Pay attention to the dialogue.  You’re looking for one of three things:

Silence — People withdrawing and not contributing to the conversation.  Some are shy and need their confidence built.  Some are avoiding conflict and need to know it’s ok. All need to understand that they’re on the team because they bring needed talents.  And their talents need to be part of the dialogue.

Violence — People dominating the conversation and not allowing others’ views to be heard or considered.  Counsel these people.  Help them understand that dialogue is not a contest to see who wins.  It’s a process to get out as much relevant information as possible.  This is especially important because when you have people who are prone to go silent, someone who dominates or goes violent makes it easy for the others to hide.

Real Dialogue — The free flow of ideas, effective debate and discussion, and ultimately a team that stakes out a position and where the members support one another.  It sounds ideal and not everyone gets there, but work at it by creating an environment that’s safe for dialogue, and you’ll be amazed at the results.